I only cried once during the walk. I teared up a few times after it too. Actually, so did my mom. It wasn't because of the extreme pain that was shooting up from every single one of the 26 bones in each foot or from muscle cramps or dehydration (although all worthy cry causes), but it was because of one of the posters throughout the course. It still gives me the chills.
I see a lot of people when I clown, but there are some people I will never forget. The woman who survived the Holocaust who told me that if she can survive that, cancer is a piece of cake. (She then went on to tell me she wishes girls my age would stop dating trashy guys and that she wishes the trash men would take away all the trashy men. love her.) The couple I always make small talk with a couple who are so genuine and kind. You think you are strong until you see a couple going through chemotherapy together--one of the two ladies was asleep undergoing treatment and her partner just held her hand, eyes shut with tears running down her cheeks. It was one of my most eye-opening, touching moments in my life. Kacey instantly took over Big Red and needed to walk away and compose herself. I am emotional, I know that. I have been brought to tears quite a few times while clowning and it is impossible to try to block out emotions.
The Jimmy Fund is probably the hardest place to clown. In part because the kids have Wii's and TVs and if you are not attached to a wire, they are not interested, but mostly because you see the most resilient cancer patients. These kids are just so strong, with so much hope and courage. I clowned just about every Friday at the same time this summer. I saw many of the same patients every week. Although you don't want to see the same patients at a cancer clinic every week, it was cool to develop a kind of relationship with them.
I saw Charlotte a lot this summer. I gave her and her entourage many smiley face stickers and I always checked their funny bones and let Charlotte poke my rubber red nose. It was the same routine every time. I am not one for routine, but this worked. Charlotte even made me a picture/card and left it in the volunteer office for me one day after I clowned. She was always so happy, no matter how uneasy or scared her parents looked. Incredible.
The Jimmy Fund Walk had posters throughout the course with pictures of patients and quotes as mile markers for inspiration. And to say they inspired us is an understatement. Most of the posters gave me and my team the chills. Then I came across a familiar face. I had to stop and catch my breath, as it caught me off guard. My sister was with me and we both teared up when I told her who it was.
Charlotte. It's not that I could not believe it--I recognized a few of the kids on the posters, but what really got me upset, and got my mom and sister upset, and still tears me up, is that we have the exact same hair color. I have never seen Charlotte with hair.
I'm not sure what it was about this that gets me. I see kids all the time without hair at Dana. And I see redheads all the time too. If Charlotte had blonde or brown hair, I probably still would have had a similar reaction, but the red hair somehow just connected us in a different, indescribable way. And it gave me strength. Big Red has a Little Red :)
No comments:
Post a Comment