BFTOs

BFTOs. Boyfriend Tryouts.

For those of you who don't know, my sister likes to hold tryouts for various events. I was not graciously gifted the Maid of Honor role at her wedding and had to go through MOH Tryouts. I dressed the dog in a dress (to make sure I could dress the eldest Barker on her wedding day). I stood outside in the negative 30 degree weather (to make sure I could handle a late fall wedding). I had to spin around in circles and deliver drinks to the thirsty event watchers (to make sure I could deliver drinks to her royal highness on her big day).


Just when I thought I was done dealing with another one of my sister's crazy tryouts, she decides The Animal simply cannot be with her precious little sister unless he passes her tryout. I think she was doing it to make sure Animal was a good fit and could handle me, but I think she really just wanted to see if he could hang.
Animal geared up for a night of ridiculous alcohol consumption and wicked bizarre tasks. (I tried to play it cool and pretend that if he didn't win, he could not have a piece of this ginger pie, but I think we all knew that was a lie.)

So, BFTO events commenced.

1. Cheer Competition- Come up with and perform an original cheer. Animal did not do so well in this event, as he did not come up with or perform an original cheer. KaceFace beasted it, especially for someone who has never cheered. Cough cough.

2. Name That Disease- Animal had to identify 4 disease slides and then pick out the one disease that I did not ever have. Animal did this in record time and correctly IDed that I never had H1N1. (He might have had an edge being a wicked smaht pharmacist and disease slide lover)

3. Quiz de Kacey- Animal had to participate in a very difficult quiz about the quirks of KaceFace. For every incorrect answer, he had to take a shot. He drank a lot. He learned important things about me: Why I needed to leave softball practice one time, what happened on my first day of 6th grade, what I like to be called when I am in the hospital. Although he swore off of taking shots of Sambuca, our little furry friend grew to love taking flaming shots of it with my sister.

4. Drain That Cyst- Who doesn't have cysts on their tailbones that need draining? Oh, right. Everyone but me apparently. Animal done good with this one.

5. Dance Off- Animal KILLED it on the dance floor blowing my sister's moves out of the water. (Note: Animal picked the perfect person to dance off with, as my sister is not a groove thing)

6. Obstacle Course- This was the BEST part of BFTOs and of course there are no pictures. Animal had to dizzy bat a beer. Do a rope crawl. Monkey bar it and slide it. Back through the rope course. Stomp grapes and take a shot of grape juice. Bat another beer. Slide down the slip-n-slide to find a KaceFaced ginger waiting at the end with open arms. Oh, and he did this all with boxing gloves on. Very impressive.

The joke is on me now. For being an excellent sport, they turned the tables and tricked me into thinking another event was on the line, when in reality, it was pie to the face time.

YAY! He won! We can celebrate now!

The kid got game. Not as much game as Jesus Shuttlesworth, but he tickles my fancy (shout out to foxy gram). Animal survived BFTOs. He actually survived them a lot better than my in-law who drank a whole bottle of red wine by himself after everyone went to bed and I watched. (sorry brotherbear).

Well played, Animal. Thank you for gettin down and dirty and draining my cyst. You are one swell fella.

I wonder what tryout will be next?! Payback might be a biatch...

Life is good.