"You mean we sleep on the GROUND?"
"With no pads or air mattresses?"
"Just a sleeping bag?"
"Do I have to go to the bathroom in the woods?"
"Are there showers or sinks?"
"What will I eat?"
"You want me to bike 10 miles to/from the beach?"
"Do you know how to make a fire?"
"I just want smores. Can we have smores?"
*********
I am FAR from being thrown into a classification of "high maintenance". Sure I like primping and will treat myself to a massage/mani/pedi/shoppingspree/caseofwine from time to time... But I'm a simple girl--simple things I smile for. Throw me in a pair of sweatpants and a tee-shirt with no makeup on and hair not done and I am in my element.
It's not that I have never "camped" before. But up until this summer, my camping adventures took place in back yards and I often found myself on a couch before the sun came up. I was not against it, its just that the "real" camping opportunity just never presented itself until this summer. The Animal planned a camping weekend in Hampton Falls complete with tents and fires and bike rides and smores. I had some pretty legit (apparently only "legit" in my book because everyone else laughed at me when I asked them) questions about our camping adventure. *** See aforementioned questions above in wicked cool/annoying patter.
Well I survived camping and have put together a guide for other first timers on how to survive as well.
"A Ginger's Guide to Roughing It"
The Twenty-Ten Edition
By: Kacey Barker
-- Complete with Pictures --
It is important for your camp-mate to put up the tent on his/her own. This way, if it collapses or leaks or smells, you can place ALL the blame on him/her. Also, if you are camping with a gorgeous piece of man like I was, it is super hot to watch him struggle to put it up and then throw his hands up rejoicing when he finally figures it out. (Bonus if said gorgeous piece has fabulous behind and struts with a delicious swagger).
Note: I was asked NOT to help set up the tent, as I needed to drink at LEAST one beer to ease my camping concerns.
I think this picture says a lot about how to camp. Always travel in style with a Vera Bradley duffel bag while wearing Crocs and pajama pants. While a lot of chicks might not bring their Vera camping, Vera is VERY versatile and can be washed quite easily. Make sure to lay all your footwear options out so you can plan your outfits accordingly and see what your options are. It is important to note that my smile in this picture is real and not at all forced. I thoroughly enjoyed roughing it. There was a major camping turn-off though... The ground was basically a rock. It was like sleeping on a slab of granite or a hardwood floor. Actually, those might have been more comfortable. Even Animal said it was rather hard and next time a cute little somethin-somethin would be necessary to sleep.
Do NOT NOT NOT bring a camping companion with poison ivy this bad. You will get it and die.
Fires are FAB. They are badass actually. Basically everyone at the campground does it, so you should too. The Camping Community only likes people if they have fires. In real life, you should not give in to peer pressure, but camping does NOT fall into that category. If you don't fire, it is weird and you will not have the complete camping experience if you do not light it up. There are lots of things you can do with your camping fire:
- Use it to cook dinner.
- Stay warm
- Cuddle by it
- SMORES. nuff said.
- Play cribbage by it
- Melt your crocs near it
- Smell it
Travel with an AMAZING cook. Animal trekked over the river and through the woods to find different pieces of wood and made an intricate design in the fire pit to successfully smoke/steam/cook/burn/fire the scallops and sausage skewers. It was basically the best thing since sliced bread and it was pretty awesome to see how proud Animal was with his camping cooking. (you done good, sir)
Anything goes when you camp. That being said, see how loud/long/heinous you can burp. If you get rounds of applause from across the entire campground like I did, you are basically a five-star camper.
I know we touched upon this before, but again, I cannot stress enough how important it is to make adult beverages. A bottle of Santana champagne straight from Mumm Napa and OJ and tequila and coconut rum = HEAVEN. Alcohol not only eases the mind, but enhances the camping experience as you can forget that you are getting eaten alive by bugs or a freezing your tootsies off or have to pee in the woods.
Note: A quote from the weekend= "OMG Kace. Wait one second, I have a surprise for you" He emerges from the tent with a 5=year old grin on his face holding two umbrellas. "I have always wanted to use these!"
Ahhhh, the camping life.
Bring games to play. I like to bring games I know I can beat The Animal at. He stinks at cribbage, so I like to suggest we play that. Games pass the time and bring out the competitive juices.
Speaking of competitive juices, keep them flowing with rousing game of mini golf if the camp ground offers it! You will like camping even more if you play against a partner who ultimately stinks at golfing and you win. You will be flying high after a dub on the g-course!
SMORES! All I wanted when we planned our camping adventure was to make smores. They are the most delish area of food one could ever imagine. Toast that marshmallow black and shove it between two grahams and a hunk of chocolate. AHHH. There is nothing like it. (Do not be in girl mode and use only a little bit of chocolate. A real woman uses a whole bar in her smore. Top and bottom chocolate.)
We were badass bikers at the beach. Legit biked 10 miles to and from the beach uphill--not sure how the uphill both ways happened, but it definitely did. Biking was enjoyable, but it was hard at times. When the going gets tough, just look at the fine backside of your camping companion and that is more inspiration than you could ever imagine. I asked The Animal to bike in front "because he knew the way and it made me feel safe to be in the back." HA. I can read a map and am fearless enough to ride first. Can't a girl just love looking up and seeing her man working hard in front of her?! And with his bod?! GAH.
Note: Sweat on back is real. Girls-- see what I mean about the backside?! Don't even get me started when the American Flag Bandana gets rocked.
Even if you are having the most miserable bike ride home because your boyfriend didn't bring you food to eat after a 10 mile bike trip and only offered beer instead of water, it is a good idea to stop and put on a good face and ride a spring duck.
Always bring a clown. Always.
Impress the beach goers if you can throw a football. Especially if you can catch/throw a football one handed and not spill the cup of beer in your other hand.
Relax your tired camping feet in the exfoliating/calming beach sand and take a picture. Because everyone takes pictures of their feet at the beach and posts them for everyone to see.
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